2013; Year of Searching

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim.

Alhamdulillah dah masuk tahun 2014. Nak habis bulan Januari dah pun. Macam biasa nak recap apa-apa sepanjang tahun 2013. Kalini tak recap panjang, hanya recap luahan hati dan perasaan yang ditanggung.

Januari 2013 - Ada Spectacular. Event tahunan Herbalife peringkat nasional. Ni kira Spectacular ke tiga aku. Datang first time sebagai GET. Kira macam naik pangkat la. And treatment pun lain, taktau la nak cakap lain sangat tak pun. Biasa je, cuma tak perlu berebut kerusi, memang tak ramai GET pun kat seat GET. Ramai kat VIP. Spectacular 2013 ialah Spectacular yang aku tak rasa apa-apa. Team ramai, buat FG, tapi mungkin sebab aku tak rasa apa2, so takde apa-apa perubahan.

Sepanjang 2 tahun dalam Herbalife, aku je yang tahu macam mana aku boleh achieve sampai GET. It's not an inspiring journey and it's not something that I'm proud of. Imagine, I'm not proud of it, but people congratulating without knowing the real story. Sama macam masa Supervisor, I'm not proud at all. Qualifying for World Team, not proud. Only if they knew the real story...

So the pressure is on. I'm not who I am and they don't want to listen. I tried and tried. I'm still not good, I need to slow down to gain the experience, the skill, the knowedge, but no! The whole year. All I kept getting are advices of going to the next level. I knew I'm not even qualified for the current position. I cried and cried.

All these while, it's not about me genuinely wanted to qualify, it's all about them, it's all about the recognition and fame, it's all about being the so-called leader taking the lead first. It's all about being 'teachable', ikut jeeeeee. I was so much hurt, mentally and emotionally. At one point I didn't even know what I want anymore.

Bila dalam event, aku lain. Bila takde orang Herbalife, aku lain.

I was giving 100% to Herbalife, tapi hidup semua kucar kacir. I can't give time to other things or focus to other important things.

It's not good for me. And my 'why' is gone.

Went to Extravaganza (May or June), just for the sake of attending it. *sigh*

Being unstable mentally and emotionally I always fought with my husband. Not a good phase in the marriage. Alas, I thought this has to stop. I made the decision.

And I stop. Sending message to them; my last message to all of them were Sorry for all what I've done. It's during Raya 2013.

I can conclude half of 2013, it's me feeling lost and searching. Another half of the year is struggling for a new journey. And now it's 2014, Alhamdulillah, we're so much settling in, almost all debts had been paid. Business is still going well, Herbalife is still our source of income.

It's not easy. Tapi Alhamdulillah, lebih tenang, lebih fokus, dan lebih terurus kehidupan dan bisnes.

Moga Allah berkati setiap langkah.